And Even If...

I am going to write for the next few days about my sweet husband and precious children, but I wanted to explain the "and even if..." title first. One of my favorite Bible passages is in Daniel 3 where king Nebuchadnezzar is about to throw Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego into the fiery furnace because they will not bow down and worship an idol. The three say to the king that their God is very capable of saving them from the fire, but even if God doesn't rescue them they will still serve Him.

When we were waiting and waiting for our adoption of Molly to become a reality, I had a definite timetable in mind for our adoption. Unfortunately, China did not have the same timetable. A 6 month adoption dragged on for 2 years. The week we were finally supposed to get our referral and see a picture of her sweet face for the first time, China suspended all adoptions because of SARS. For 6 weeks we waited without a word. Rumors began to circulate in the adoption community that China wasn't ever going to do any more adoptions, and that they were using SARS as an excuse.

I had been keeping journals during the long 2 year wait. I wrote to Molly and Madelyn, to their birth parents, wrote down my joys, frustrations, etc.. I was almost at the end of my old journal book when the SARS suspension happened. I wanted to start my new journal with the news of our referral, but as the suspension dragged on week after week, and I wrote smaller and smaller in my old journal, I realized that I would have to start the new one without our referral news. I had literally cried and cried out to God for a solid 6 weeks. I continued to read my Bible, but only the "cranky" Psalms where David cries out to the Lord and complains. I still loved God, but I was angry that He wasn't moving fast enough and working hard enough on my behalf. :0)
Finally, one night my hard heart was broken. I realized that Jesus was enough. Even if God never did ONE more thing for me - Jesus was enough. I stopped my moaning and started my new journal with these words - "Even if you never allow me to go to China to get this child my heart desires, I will love and praise you forever."

The next morning, Randy woke me at 6:00 with the news that the SARS suspension had been lifted and that adoptions were resuming immediately! Two days later we had pictures of precious Molly, and 8 weeks later we were holding her in our arms. I have often felt that SARS dragged on so long because I was so hard-hearted. God refused to leave my heart in the same miserable condition, so He left me in the same wordly condition until I broke and ran to Him.

We live in a fallen world. Things often do not go our way. We must choose daily where our joy comes from - does it come from getting our own way or does it come from the Lord? Even if our world seems to be falling apart - it isn't. We serve a God who passionately loves us and is constantly working on our behalf - even when we can't see it.